Chapter 54 One Day, I Will Be Me

Looking at Zhang Qiren curled up like that, Chu Ge felt conflicted. He plainly loathed what the man had done, yet seeing him in this state, he couldn't bring himself to curse him out.

He'd known Zhang Qiren liked Yueying, but he hadn't expected it to run this deep — the man had talked big before, insisting it was just lust.

The two of them had never even spoken to each other; it was a feeling that rose up out of nowhere, and he liked her that much... It just went to show that love answered to no logic.

Or maybe Zhang Qiren was simply that stubborn — once he set his mind on something, it was nearly impossible to change.

But this doomed entanglement was enough to make anyone sigh. On his very first foray into wrongdoing, Zhang Qiren had destroyed his own love with his own hands. Given how much Yueying hated him now, he was in for a slow death at her hands someday; this was a rift that could never be mended.

Guess that's the lesson — you really can't do bad things?

Chu Ge suddenly thought of his own book.

What Qiu Wuji and the others were up against was the inscrutable will of heaven.

A long, long while passed before Zhang Qiren's barely audible voice came: "Thanks, Brother Chu. Good thing you saved her."

Chu Ge shook his head. "It's no use. There's no chance for you two anymore. Even if you turn over a new leaf and play the hero saving the beauty from here on out, it won't help. When Yueying was desperate in that ring, you never gave her a chance."

"Stop scolding me... I know it's no use... I'm only thanking you for keeping her alive. As for me..." Bracing himself on the utility pole, Zhang Qiren slowly straightened up again. "I'm afraid I can't turn back from this road of mine, and I don't want to turn back just yet. Anyway..."

He suddenly smiled. "Anyway, seems there's nothing left for me to lose."

There was no mirth in that smile at all; it looked more like crying. Chu Ge couldn't help trying to talk him around. "You've only just started — why can't you turn back? Is it that going from luxury to frugality is too hard? Driving a G-Wagon, with a crowd at your beck and call — you can't let it go?"

"I won't deny I enjoy it..." Zhang Qiren thought about it absently. "More than that — a lot of what I do now is for the sake of being able to keep enjoying these things in the future. Enjoy more of them. So I'm not going to put on some act of frugality. What I'm entitled to enjoy, I enjoy. But Brother Chu, that's not all of it."

"There's more?"

"There's also a score I still have to settle," Zhang Qiren said mildly. "Why should I have to swallow it?"

Chu Ge fell silent.

"In a sense," Zhang Qiren said suddenly, "the awakening of powers was a pie dropped out of the sky. Plenty of people are trying to turn a profit on it, plenty of places are in upheaval, and the shape of the world is quietly changing because of it. You've got ability. If you were so inclined, you could live more comfortably than I do — so why bang out chapters every day just to get flamed?"

Before he'd even finished, Chu Ge cut him off. "I don't want that."

Zhang Qiren wasn't surprised in the least. "I figure sooner or later you won't be able to dodge it. You look placid and free of ambition, but you've got a strong itch to stir things up... Who else would dare crash an underground boxing match to save someone? What do you call that? A chivalrous heart? A sense of honor? As long as you've got that in you, you won't dodge it."

Chu Ge: ...

Zhang Qiren said, "Anyway, if there's anything in all this you need to understand, you can come ask me later. You will need to."

Chu Ge hesitated a moment, then nodded. "All right."

Zhang Qiren smiled. "I know what I'm doing now is hard for you to accept. If you want to cut ties with me, I won't blame you... I'll still count you as a brother either way."

Chu Ge was about to say something when alarm flared in his mind — some extremely dangerous energy was hurtling toward Zhang Qiren.

Purely on instinct, he twisted sideways to block it. A faint golden light rose over his skin; there was a clang like struck bronze, and Chu Ge let out a muffled grunt, clutching his shoulder as he staggered back into Zhang Qiren.

Zhang Qiren caught him at once. "You okay?"

Chu Ge shook his head slightly. There was only a hole torn in his clothes and some bruising on his shoulder — it didn't even really hurt. That Golden Bell Shield genuinely worked.

Zhang Qiren looked him over, confirmed he was fine, and couldn't help sighing. "Impressive, Brother Chu. Never would've guessed that was your attribute."

And just what do you know about my attribute? Chu Ge said sourly, "Someone just tried to assassinate you, and all you do is stand here pestering me with questions? Are you sick?"

Zhang Qiren shook his head. "What's there to care about? I even know exactly who it was. But Brother Chu, now do you see why I can't get out? Once I'm this deep in, the day I lose my backing, you can come collect my corpse the next day."

Chu Ge said flatly, "It's your road. You don't have to explain it to me."

Zhang Qiren finally smiled too. "Whatever you think of what I'm doing, however cold your tone... I'm still glad. You still stepped in front of me without thinking."

Chu Ge: ...

In the space of those few words came the whistle of sleeves cutting air: Qiu Wuji drifted down with a scowl on her face, hauling a scrawny, monkey-like man along, and dumped him at Zhang Qiren's feet. "Deal with this properly. If it brings us any trouble at all, I won't be recognizing you as any brother of mine."

Zhang Qiren looked at her in surprise, then laughed in spite of himself. "So the esper who was such an old hand back then — that was you, sister-in-law..."

Qiu Wuji's face darkened and she didn't answer.

As for you, stop trying to size up who has powers and who doesn't. You can't see a single one — what's the point of analyzing?

"Don't worry." Zhang Qiren gave the man on the ground a kick. "Brother Chu was living his life just fine; he never should have been dragged into this. I'll clean it all up, loose ends and all."

Chu Ge hesitated. "You're not... going to kill again, are you?"

Zhang Qiren beamed. "How could I? This one's a fine bargaining chip."

Chu Ge said nothing.

He found it hard to put himself in the mindset of the underworld, and hard to grasp what was going through Zhang Qiren's head now.

But with an assassination attempt happening right in front of him, he knew there was no persuading the man to wash his hands of it all.

It was just that this friendship really couldn't stay the same as before. At the very least, they probably wouldn't be sitting around eating skewers together anymore — they weren't people from the same world now, and Chu Ge would find it truly hard to chat and laugh easily with a friend who killed and burned.

Zhang Qiren, on the other hand, took it more lightly. He hoisted the man off the ground and slowly turned to go. "I'm off, Brother Chu. Maybe we won't meet again. I only hope... you'll keep at it. Write on — write my share too."

In the distance, shadows stirred; his subordinates seemed to be closing in around him. The figure was already far, the voices indistinct. Watching from where he stood, Chu Ge felt as if a whole lifetime lay between them.

That shadow curled up under the streetlight was nowhere to be seen anymore.

He only wondered whether it was still hidden somewhere in the man's heart.

Qiu Wuji drew her gaze back from that direction and gave her assessment: "In our world, with that temper and that will of his, he'd have real prospects. Here — it feels like it'll be hard for him."

Chu Ge said, "Hard is putting it lightly. It feels like a dead end to me. Especially with the police already onto him, and Gu Ruoyan's department sounds even more terrifying. He's living under watching eyes — the fact that they haven't pulled him in yet makes it look like they're just fishing. However I look at it, carrying on this way can only end one way..."

"He probably knows that better than you do." Qiu Wuji smiled. "If he really lives up to his name and is a remarkable man, then I'd quite like to see how he snatches life out of a death trap."

Chu Ge couldn't help saying, "He says I've got an itch to stir things up, but somehow I feel like that's more you..."

Qiu Wuji said, as if it were only natural, "You wrote me that way. I'm not some pure cultivator who shuts herself away from the world — I've got a duel to fight next month."

"And now you say 'you wrote me' like it's the most natural thing in the world?" Chu Ge said in surprise. "Not struggling against it anymore?"

"First I have to acknowledge your influence before I can struggle against it. You made me run into a wall, and only then did I realize your influence on our world is practically 'as you speak, so it is' — even more alarming to me than that old sense of destiny. I've even been thinking: you really could kill me at any time, if you simply wanted to write it that way."

Chu Ge nearly jumped out of his skin. "Hey, what are you thinking? However artsy I get, I'm not brain-dead. In reality, you're the one who can squash me like a bug whenever you like, okay?"

Qiu Wuji said, "That was only an example. Of course I know you wouldn't. Chu Ge, I can't even tell how much of how naturally I get along with you now comes from that thought you planted in me back then — 'if you're going to look for someone, look for the Father God of Creation.' I can't tell. Can you?"

Chu Ge hesitated a moment. "Logically, now that you know I wrote you, you wouldn't really still believe that, would you?"

"I know my own personality was written by you. So why am I still like this? Once a setting takes effect, neither you nor I can tell how much it influences me."

Chu Ge scratched his head. "...Do we really need to sort it out that precisely? It's too much of a headache."

Qiu Wuji said mildly, "Right? And life goes on just the same, doesn't it? I explore my world, you ease your loneliness. But if I can't even tell that much apart, what's the point of talking about breaking free of the Heavenly Dao and achieving a self of my own? Wouldn't that just be fooling myself? Chu Ge, when it comes to knowing ourselves, you and I aren't even up to Zhang Qiren's standard — so let's not sit here sighing over other people's fates."

"So you're not agonizing over this at all — you're actually talking me around?"

"Why would I agonize? Verifying the self isn't the work of a moment; I only need to know what I'm doing." Qiu Wuji smiled faintly. "The Father God never would have imagined that I'd run out here and dress up as a fan — he might even think such a move doesn't fit your 'character design.' And yet this was genuinely what I wanted to do, with little forcing or contriving in it. That is my progress. One day, I will be me. And the Father God, tangled in worldly affairs — does he still remember what he wants?"