"You're the one who hit the wall—how is that my fault... Ow~ Okay, okay, I'll confess..."
"I just wrote it that way to give the readers a laugh. How was I supposed to know a dignified tribulation-crossing cultivator would really be dumb enough to ram her head straight into it... Ow~ Not dumb, not dumb..."
"How do you want to die?" "How about dying of pleasure... Ow~"
"Later? Later I'd do it again. Ow~"
"Bang!"
Chu Ge was plastered to the wall spread-eagled, slowly sliding down.
Qiu Wuji clapped her hands as if dusting them off, and said coolly, "Well now, your Golden Bell Shield's coming along nicely. You hit a wall and didn't even get hurt."
Chu Ge was a little surprised himself—slamming his whole body into the wall hadn't hurt at all. How long had he even been practicing the Golden Bell Shield, and it was already this effective? Of course, to uphold his husbandly authority, he still talked tough: "That's because my master taught me well. Though it doesn't hold a candle to the master's own style with a stone door—even hitting a wall, she does it beautifully..."
Qiu Wuji ground her teeth. "Do you really think I don't dare to beat you properly?"
"Sss—stop pinching, if you keep pinching the Golden Bell Shield's going to reach major mastery just from pinching..."
"Isn't that great? It helps you train your Golden Bell Shield's anti-pinch defenses." Qiu Wuji sneered, "This Sect Master carefully looked up the Golden Bell Shield method. It says defending against sharp piercing weapons and defending against heavy blunt blows require different training modes. This Sect Master has tailored a cultivation method just for you. Get up!"
Chu Ge cautiously scrambled to his feet. "What method?"
"Thunk!"
A durian landed on Chu Ge's head.
Chu Ge: "?"
Qiu Wuji folded her arms and looked him up and down, then said with great satisfaction, "See? Doesn't this train both blunt-force blows and needle-puncture defense?"
Chu Ge: "..."
An instant later several more durians came surging in from the corner of the room—one hit his stomach, one hit his back, and they rolled up and down all over him.
"Pff!" Chu Ge's eyeballs bulged out. "This is murder..."
Before he could get out "murdering your own husband," two more durians went thunk, thunk against his left and right shoulders.
"Don't move." Qiu Wuji smiled sweetly. "If the durian spikes make you squirm around, you lose the whole point of the training. So you must hold still and tough it out with your Golden Bell Shield. These three durians on your head and shoulders—if even one rolls off, that's an extra half-hour. If all three roll off, you'll be getting pricked all night tonight."
Chu Ge didn't exactly feel pain, just as if his whole body were being bitten by countless ants. He ground out, "Don't take me for an idiot—you're just using official business to settle a personal score and torture me, aren't you?"
Qiu Wuji rolled her eyes up at the ceiling. "This Sect Master is the tribulation-crossing cultivator here. You're just some fellow who makes up stories. Think carefully about whose word counts when it comes to training."
Chu Ge: "..."
Qiu Wuji added, "Even when the durians stop rolling on your belly, you keep holding up the ones on your head and shoulders."
"And why is that?"
"To train your balance and stability." Qiu Wuji pointed at the clutter of furniture in the room. "These past two days, practicing your movement technique on your own—haven't you noticed that the moment you speed up a little you get unstable, easy to twist, easy to fall?"
She nudged the coffee table. "You knocked the coffee table crooked. You didn't notice?"
Chu Ge was starting to think there was something to this, and asked, "So should I practice horse stance for my lower body too?"
"That's how mortal martial artists train. We don't need such crude methods."
"...And balancing durians on your head is some foreign method?"
"It simply helps you find your sense of balance. Your spirit is vigorous—once you find that feeling, it'll leave a spiritual imprint, and you'll be able to adjust your body on your own. I don't imagine it'll take long. Other people search for muscle memory; you're searching for a spiritual imprint. As for the muscle training itself, the Golden Bell Shield handles that, and your running has its purpose too."
The more Chu Ge heard, the more professional it sounded. He pulled a bitter face, glanced at the durians on his shoulders, then at the one still rolling around on his belly, and held his head stiff and said nothing.
He couldn't even move his head—there was another one up there.
Seeing him standing there obediently balancing durians, Qiu Wuji turned away, and the corner of her mouth quietly curved into a smile.
I'm messing with you.
Well, it's not entirely a lie—it does work. It's just that other methods would've done the job without all this.
The reason I chose this one... someone once said kneeling on a durian is a fine way to teach a (man) a lesson. Kneeling is out of the question, but balancing one on his head is fine, right...
In a fine mood, Qiu Wuji set about tidying the room. "You've knocked everything crooked, it's ugly as sin. How do you even stand living here?"
Chu Ge honestly didn't think a slightly crooked coffee table and a bit of clutter on top of it was any big deal, but watching Qiu Wuji tidy things, his heart went soft, and he didn't want to speak—even the durian on his head seemed to feel softer.
Of course, Qiu Wuji didn't do much of it by hand. Most of the place, once her divine sense swept over it, came out spotless and neat as new. In her good mood she went ahead and cleaned the curtains that hadn't been washed in ages, the windows that had never been wiped, the walls and the ceiling—even the light bulbs gleamed. The whole apartment looked brand new, and gave off a faint fresh scent.
There was no telling without comparison. Chu Ge had thought his place was fairly tidy, but now it suddenly seemed like he'd been living in a dog kennel.
Qiu Wuji stroked her chin and looked around, then shook her head. "Too vulgar."
Chu Ge said helplessly, "It's not like I ever wrote your room as being all that ethereal."
"Exactly because you didn't write it, it can be ethereal. Once you write it, it's beyond saving."
Chu Ge: "..."
"Tomorrow I'll go transplant a couple of flowers to raise. The jasmine downstairs is lovely, and the roses are growing nicely too..."
"Don't. Those are public property. You can't pick them and bring them home."
Qiu Wuji looked puzzled. "That counts as public property?"
"Yeah. Either go pick wild ones out in the countryside, or just buy potted plants outright. Simple and clear."
Nicely grown potted plants had to be bought—that, Qiu Wuji understood. She just thought it was a waste. She thought about it and still shook her head. "Tomorrow I'll go take a look outside the city. Also, buy some xuan paper..."
"What for?"
"To make a bit of calligraphy and painting. I know those are probably quite expensive—I'll write them myself, all right?"
Chu Ge shed tears. "Even if you've lived ten thousand years..."
Qiu Wuji glared.
Chu Ge immediately changed tack. "Right, say you're omniscient and can write and paint it all yourself—you'd still have to get it mounted, wouldn't you? This is just a rental. Can't we just make do? Why bother..."
"Who's making do with you?" Qiu Wuji said. "This is where I live. At the very least it has to look pleasant."
Chu Ge was stunned for a moment, then suddenly grinned. "You're right."
One look at his face and Qiu Wuji knew exactly what he was thinking. She turned back toward her room in annoyance. "I'm going to play on the computer. You keep holding those up. Training is for your own good—no slacking."
"All right, all right, I know..." Chu Ge felt strange. Honestly, sometimes it was like he'd adopted a daughter, and other times like a mother had moved in.
Put those together—doesn't that just make her a wife?
Yeah, better not say that out loud. Say it out loud and I get hammered to death for sure.
Over on the other side, Qiu Wuji hadn't even reached her room when the doorbell rang.
She blinked. "Did you order takeout? Or is it the gas cylinder delivery?"
"It hasn't been that long, why would the gas need changing..." Before Chu Ge could finish, he heard a key sliding into the lock, and the door swung open.
Chu Ge: "?"
Qiu Wuji: "?"
Zhang Qiren stepped inside. "I forgot I left my key here, haha, Chu—uh?"
He instinctively backed out the door, looked up at the apartment number, then at the key in his hand, his eyes full of confusion.
I got the right place! But how does this apartment look so different? And it smells nice...
Then he saw a very beautiful woman staring at him with an unfriendly look and murder in her eyes.
This woman looked familiar, too—she was the "female fan" who'd turned up at the banquet earlier.
Zhang Qiren's gaze flickered, and then he spotted Chu Ge standing there dumbly with durians balanced on him.
Proof positive he's banging a fan!
Zhang Qiren spoke with deep sorrow: "I thought I was the one who betrayed our class. I never imagined the real traitor to the revolution was you!"