There's no reasoning with this bumpkin.
Xia Ya paid no attention whatsoever to the resentment festering in the wretch's heart. Since the negotiation had failed, he went straight for the most straightforward solution: violence!
Some human philosopher once said: violence cannot solve all problems.
Fortunately, the old man had brought up that same line while he was educating Xia Ya — though his appraisal of it was rather unorthodox:
"Whoever said that must be one of those well-fed fools who've never known hunger! Violence can't solve all problems, but it can solve most of them! If someone's got it in for you, sitting down to talk philosophy and win him over with virtue is like taking your pants off to fart.
If it were me, I'd charge right up and slap him a few times till his teeth are scattered all over the ground, so that the next time he lays eyes on you his legs shake and he shits himself — that kind of stupid saying is just like the fool who sighs 'money isn't everything'!
Kid, remember this: if anyone tells you 'money isn't everything,' that fellow is sure to be some broke, pretentious idiot. And if anyone tells you 'violence can't solve problems,' then that bastard has been pushed around by violence plenty of times, and his belly's full of sour bile."
Clearly, the old man's education had been a success on this point. So once the negotiation was over, Xia Ya simply hefted his axe and charged.
The goblins were still arguing fiercely; their opinions were far from unified. They were still arguing over one crucial question: who would go up first and take the vanguard.
In goblin tradition, vanguard meant cannon fodder. Their motto was: run last in battle, first to the spoils.
That was also the fundamental reason why the goblins, despite their numbers, kept losing time and again in regular warfare on the Wildfire Plain, whether against the dwarves or against humans.
So when Xia Ya actually came charging at them on his own, axe in hand, the goblins' first reaction was to be struck completely dumb.
It wasn't until Xia Ya was right on top of them, until he planted a kick in a goblin chief's head and drove that thick, carrot-like nose of his right back into his skull, that the rest of the goblins scattered with shrill cries of "urk-urk!"
Xia Ya let out an excited roar, and the battle-axe became countless streaks of cold light — chopping level, chopping down, chopping slantwise, chopping every which way... Once those four moves of his "firewood-splitting style" were done, none of the goblins around him was still on his feet. The others did fight back once their panic passed; they yelled and thrust with short spears and hacked with broken blades, but Xia Ya held the big shield up in one hand and hid half his body behind it.
That shield was the one he had taken from Nigu'er, the giant of the Four Gallants of the Royal City, and it stood a good meter tall. Against a shield like that the goblins were helpless: they were too short. Planted in front of them, it was simply a wall. To land a blow on Xia Ya they had to bounce up and down comically and jab their weapons over the rim. Otherwise their only option was to sprint circles around him — and with those stumpy goblin legs, sprinting was exactly what they were bad at.
And so a ridiculous scene unfolded in the middle of the melee: Xia Ya, tall and standing out like a crane among chickens, axe in one hand and shield in the other, while a gang of goblins hopped and skipped around him, shrieking.
At first Xia Ya had the absolute upper hand. He took down a dozen goblins in one go, and then the creatures started getting sly. Several of those already on the ground spotted his weakness: when he raised the shield, his feet were exposed.
So the goblins began rolling around on the ground, rolling this way and that while trying to stab at Xia Ya's feet with their weapons.
The scene changed on the spot: now it was Xia Ya standing alone, hopping and skipping nonstop, while a bunch of goblins rolled around on the ground all around him.
The wretch, off at a distance, was utterly dumbstruck...
This bumpkin really is a treasure: a life-or-death battle, and he turns it into something that could split your gut laughing.
But the wretch soon stopped laughing. Some of the goblins had smarter heads on their shoulders; seeing their fellows mob this formidable human warrior, they noticed there was another wretch standing nearby. The wretch was frighteningly tall too, but at least it didn't look as burly as this axe-wielding fellow, and... the wretch wasn't holding that giant shield that had made the goblins suffer so.
A few goblins surrounded the wretch, waving their blades.
Xia Ya was hard at work performing his tap dance. He had already kicked several goblins unconscious, but his own shins had taken several cuts, and one goblin's rolling slash had nearly taken off half his foot. He was hopping away, having the time of his life, when he heard a frightened shriek from the wretch; he looked back and saw the wretch surrounded by goblins.
What the hell — that's the bait yours truly prepared for the dragon!
Xia Ya's eyes bulged and he let out a bellow like a bull — er, in more refined terms: Xia Ya's gaze flashed like lightning, and he gave a long cry. Then he hurled the axe in his hand.
The battle-axe carved a streak of cold light through the air and, with a pff, split the frontmost goblin charging at the wretch — goblin, weapon, and armor all together — into two halves!
Emerald-green blood sprayed all over the wretch, and the creature actually shrieked once and fainted dead away, the useless thing.
Now weaponless, Xia Ya held up the big shield and used his brute strength to send several goblins flying; his strength really was no small thing — every goblin he rammed came away with broken bones. Then he charged all the way back, yanked out the fire fork tucked in his belt, and jabbed it into a goblin's backside, flinging the whole goblin into the air. He knocked aside a blade slashing at him from the side, rammed the shield forward with all his might, and knocked that goblin until it spat blood.
When Xia Ya had run back to the wretch's side and pulled his axe out of the fellow he had split in two, the goblins' courage finally ran out. Shouting "urk-urk," they turned tail and fled.
Xia Ya didn't chase the runaways. Instead he took a coil of rope from the bundle, tossed it to the wanderer goblin he had captured first, pointed at the goblin warriors he had knocked down on the ground, and made a few gestures.
The wanderer was scared witless. Only after Xia Ya kicked it head over heels did it snap out of it, and it jumped up and set to work with the rope. The wanderer had clearly inherited a fine goblin tradition: a love of bullying its own kind.
Its own lot was miserable enough, but seeing goblin warriors worse off than itself plainly made it happy; it tied the creatures up tight and vicious, and plenty of the goblin warriors lying there with their heads bleeding and their bones broken got a good number of extra kicks out of it.
Xia Ya hauled the wretch to its feet, slapped it twice hard across the face to wake it, and snapped angrily: "I know you're useless! But I figured that as a human being, you could at least beat one goblin. Have you got any other talent besides screaming?"
The wretch's face was bright red... whether from shame or from Xia Ya's slaps, there was no telling. It covered its face and sobbed.
Xia Ya ignored her and glanced back at the wanderer goblin. The creature was busy throwing cheap shots and bullying the wounded goblin warriors; every one still breathing got trussed up like a New Year's present. Xia Ya wasted no courtesy on it: he pointed at the wanderer goblin, then pointed at the rope lying on the ground beside it.
The creature froze, hesitated a moment, but when it saw the anger on Xia Ya's face it quickly ducked its head, picked up the rope, and tied itself up of its own accord.
After some effort he dumped the captives in a row, then kicked the first one: "Speak human?"
The goblin urk-urked a few times. Xia Ya hoisted it straight up and kicked it in the backside. Then he walked to the second goblin: "Speak human?"
The goblin gave Xia Ya a pitiful look, then blankly shook its head.
Xia Ya showed no more courtesy: he hoisted it up too and kicked it in the backside.
Seeing Xia Ya come to stand before it, the third goblin didn't wait to be asked — it let out a shriek, turned around of its own accord, and stuck its backside out at Xia Ya.
Xia Ya was so angry it made him laugh. He slapped this considerate goblin flying and roared: "Isn't there even one of you who speaks human?!"
He asked again and again, and at last there was an answer.
The first wanderer goblin timidly craned its neck out: "Urk. Me... human talk... speak. Strongest man... no kick."
Xia Ya was a little surprised. He stood in front of the wanderer and studied it curiously for a moment: "Me, Xia Ya. Human. Powerful! You?"
The wanderer stared at Xia Ya fearfully with those little mung-bean eyes of its: "Me, Oakes. Goblin. Free."
Xia Ya glanced at it and shook his head: "You, Oakes, goblin, loose, mine!"
This fellow called Oakes had a complicated look in its eyes. It struggled for a moment, then actually summoned the nerve: "No. Me, Oakes, goblin, free."
Xia Ya raised his hand as if to hit it: "You, suosuo, mine!"
"Me, goblin, free." Oakes was obviously terrified out of its wits, yet it kept arguing. Seeing that Xia Ya was about to lose his temper, the creature hastily pulled its head back and stared at him in fear: "Me, Oakes, goblin, noble! Loose, not!"
Goblin noble?
Xia Ya was rather surprised. This creature was obviously just a goblin wanderer.
"You, noble, goblin?"
A flicker of resentment clearly passed through Oakes's eyes, and it muttered: "Me, Oakes, noble, goblin lord..."
Goblin lord?
Xia Ya was surprised again — but Aokesi hadn't finished.
The rest of its sentence was: "...goblin lord... wife."
Xia Ya was dumbfounded, and even the wretch, still holding its face, was dumbfounded.
The goblin lord's... wife?!
Could this Oakes be a female?!!
"You? Goblin? Wife?" Xia Ya's eyes went wide. "You, goblin, woman?"
Oakes immediately put on an indignant expression: "Me, goblin, male!!"
Xia Ya understood; the truth dawned on him: "Goblin, lord, female? So, wife, male?"
Oakes's face was full of shame and fury, teeth grinding: "Lord, male! Wife, male, also! So... run away!"
Xia Ya collapsed... and the wretch collapsed too...