"Li Zhuiyuan, you have truly become more revolting now."
At this moment, Li Weihan, Cui Guiying, their many siblings from the Li family, Zhang Aunty, and several villagers who had come to the little shop in the evening, all looked at Li Zhuiyuan with smiles and curiosity on their faces.
The atmosphere was quiet yet filled with anticipation. It is human nature to crave beautiful things. Nothing feels more touching and comforting than the distant connection between a mother and child, able to hear one another's hearts.
Li Zhuiyuan held tightly onto the microphone, his shy expression only becoming more pronounced. He slightly turned his body, as if trying to evade the gaze of the crowd, but to everyone else, it appeared as just the innocent hesitance of a child.
The onlookers found the scene endearing, their smiles blossoming brighter as they waited with bated breath for the next exchange. Although they could not hear the words on the other end of the microphone, they could imagine what the child's mother was saying and asking based on the responses.
"Mom, I’m doing well at home, I’m being good."
"Aren’t you angry? Shouldn't you be throwing the microphone down in a fit? Shouldn’t you be crying or causing a scene? Shouldn’t you be questioning your mother who isn't there? Oh, right, you won't do that. Hehe, they are all around you, watching, aren’t they?"
"Mom, I don’t miss home very much. I’m really happy here."
"Li Zhuiyuan, this is only the first time you've met them, and it’s the first time they’ve seen you since your birth, so do you really need to keep performing in front of them?"
"Grandpa and Grandma are very good to me; Panzi, Leizi, Yingzi, Shitou, Huzi, and my siblings are all nice to me, they play with me."
"Li Zhuiyuan, you’re so hypocritical! Deep down, you look down on them, thinking they are foolish and ignorant, yet you still try to create an image in front of them."
"The village is so much fun! There are fields, and water ditches, we can catch fish and frogs. Grandma's sauce is delicious; she said you loved it when you were little, Mom."
"Don’t you find this tiring, son? How can you enjoy this game so much?"
"I even went to Aunt Xianghou’s house, and she told me many stories about you when you were young. Many people still remember you, Mom."
"I have given birth to such a repulsive son."
"Mom, are you busy at work? Grandpa and Grandma hope you take care of your health, eat on time, and don’t wear yourself out."
As Li Zhuiyuan spoke, he glanced at Li Weihan and Cui Guiying. The old couple nodded vigorously, urging him to continue.
"I thought I could control it, but your birth was like a mirror, reflecting the part of myself I hate most. Li Zhuiyuan, do you know that every time I see you, I am restraining the impulse to strangle you? Every time you call me 'Mom,' it sounds like a demon’s whisper in my ears."
Li Zhuiyuan nodded in response, appearing to obey his mother’s loving instructions, as if everyone around could guess that she was teaching him how to behave, to be good, to listen, and not be naughty.
"I understand, Mom. I know, I get it."
"I work hard to patch up this skin I wear. Every morning, I wake up and stand in front of the mirror, repeatedly hinting and affirming to myself. But you always try to tear this skin apart. You are me, and I am you. Li Zhuiyuan, we, mother and son, are both monsters wearing human skin."
"I understand, Mom. Don’t worry; I will be good."
Li Zhuiyuan held the microphone close to his ear, gently swaying his body, like a child slightly annoyed by his parents’ nagging yet secretly enjoying it.
"Your father once helped me manage my condition; our marriage gave me some assistance. I should have returned to the right path until I gave birth to you. Your birth ruined all my years of effort. In my eyes, Li Zhuiyuan, you are a mistake that should not have happened."
"Mom, could you send some snacks? Those cookies we love to eat. And some stationery too; everyone loves my pencil case. I promised to share it with them."
Upon hearing this, Shitou and Huzi excitedly hugged each other.
"I should not have tried to find ways to heal you after realizing your true nature. Each failed attempt to treat you felt like another failure I’ve witnessed in my life. My life has always been dark, and your existence has snuffed out the last bit of light. Little Yuan, why don’t you just die?"
"Mom, you too."
"If you had chosen to die early, it might have triggered my maternal instincts, wouldn’t it?"
"Well, I won’t."
"I have to join a secret project; it has a high degree of danger. I don’t know if I can come back alive."
"Mom, you need to take care of yourself. I’m worried about you."
"I'm telling you these things because I don’t want to leave these heartfelt words unsaid if I die; I think we need this moment of honesty. Actually, you have always understood. While I can see through you, you can also see through me, can’t you?"
"Yes, I’m listening. I will remember, Mom."
"This path is your decision. When I divorced your father, even as your father pleaded with me, you stood firm in your choice to stay with me. Your father always thought I was ill, that I tortured you both, causing you pain.
But what he doesn’t know is that his son is a more terrifying demon than I am; all his displays of love are nothing but a clown’s performance in the eyes of his beloved son. He is heartbroken; he has applied to go on a polar expedition.
When I tried to change your surname back, your grandfather disagreed, yet you insisted on changing it. Your grandmother said if you came with me, you would never set foot in our home again, but you still held onto my sleeve and left with me.
Li Zhuiyuan, did you think that by doing this, you could touch my heart and make me change my mind? Inside me, it’s just a restless scream: Why, why do you still insist on clinging to me and torturing me?"
"Okay, okay, I know now. Mom, you don’t need to say any more. I get it."
"Tomorrow, I will join the project team. I don't know if I can return safely, but I just hope that if I survive, I will not have you in my life anymore. I have made up my mind. Li Zhuiyuan, I will shake off this sticky label you are. I will transfer your guardianship to your father. Even though he is not here, your grandparents will be willing to take you, after all, you are a child who can be in the junior class, the pride of their family."
"I don’t want anything else; just send the snacks and stationery, please, Mom."
"I know you won’t want it; you will still cling to anything related to me. So, I will send you back to my hometown, a place I won't return to for the rest of my life. I will transfer your guardianship to my father, your household registration, your student records, everything will be moved. I am thankful that this project has provided us the convenience to arrange family matters extensively."
"Mom, I'm currently at Great Uncle Li Sanjiang's home. Great Uncle really likes me and wants me to stay a while with him. He is very nice."
"I get it."
"Alright, that’s all for now, Mom. I’ll give the microphone to Grandpa now, he wants to talk to you."
Li Zhuiyuan held the microphone for a moment, and after hearing footsteps receding and approaching again from the other end, he reluctantly handed it over to Li Weihan.
Li Weihan took the microphone. "Hello, Lord Lan. Don’t worry, Little Lord Yuan is doing well here. We will take good care of him."
Li Zhuiyuan didn’t want to stay any longer and watch his grandfather chat with Aunty Xu.
"Grandpa, Grandma, I’m going back to Great Uncle to have dinner now."
Cui Guiying hurriedly said, "You better head back quickly, don’t keep Great Uncle waiting. A while later, your grandfather and I will go visit Great Uncle and see when you can come back home."
"Okay, Grandma. Goodbye, Grandma. Goodbye, Grandpa. Goodbye, everyone."
Li Zhuiyuan waved goodbye to everyone and then turned to leave.
Runsheng followed behind Li Zhuiyuan, feeling quite hungry but not daring to urge the boy to walk faster.
He always felt that the boy had two faces. Even though the boy always called him "Brother Runsheng," the tone felt different when there were many people around compared to when it was just the two of them.
The former had a warm, respectful tone, while the latter felt more like a name.
But he didn’t have much curiosity to understand it; his grandfather had said he was foolish, so he shouldn't trouble himself with what smart people think.
He sensed the boy’s low mood and could only continue to accompany him as they walked slowly.
In his mind, Li Zhuiyuan kept replaying his mother's words from the phone call.
He felt comforted that it had been a long time since his mother had spoken so much to him in one breath.
But he knew that her words weren't really directed at him, her son, rather, they were meant for the part of herself that she held deep within.
And his mother saw him as a cold embodiment of her own self.
If he were in that position, if that expressionless reflection in the cabinet would eventually become his own child, he might have gone mad or become hysterical.
Exerting great effort to hide and suppress that coldness, only to end up with a child who stuck to him all day, calling him "Mom."
At that moment, Li Zhuiyuan smiled.
He found it amusing, like a comical and ironic black-and-white silent movie.
He stopped, squatting by the small ditch beside the road.
The sky had darkened, and now the ditch could only reflect a dark face.
Li Zhuiyuan looked at that face but did not know whose it was.
Runsheng squatted down beside him, silently lighting a stick of incense.
Li Zhuiyuan picked up a nearby stone and aimed at his own reflection in the water before throwing it in.
Splash…
The water rippled outwards before quickly settling back to its original state.
He knew that his mother was deeply unwell now.
Tonight's phone call was her giving up on herself; she was tired, she was desperate, and she would cease all struggles, no longer resisting; she would blend in.
To think positively, this call was her final confession.
Though filled with unkindness, insults, and curses, it also held a bit of hatred, perhaps even jealousy.
Her human skin had been entirely ripped apart; she wished to tear away her son’s skin too.
So, Mom, are you looking for a companion after completely sinking?
Anger? Yes, there is some.
But how intense, Li Zhuiyuan did not know, because he could understand.
This was absolute rationality.
She proved through her own experience that all struggles were futile and meaningless, thus wanting to spare herself that process.
However, Li Zhuiyuan felt lost because she should not have sent herself back; she should not have gone back to Nantong.
Sometimes, actions speak more volumes than words.
To stay in the capital, continue in junior classes, proceed with scheduled studying, graduation, and job allocation…
As long as he followed this sequence, he would, sooner rather than later, become just like her.
She only needed to do nothing, and she could become her, because he was indeed ahead of her in falling apart, and his condition was a lot worse.
Yet she sent herself back to her hometown, stating that she would never return again.
Was it because this place held the last bit of hope in her heart?
Was this her final protection and expectation for him?
Did she think that this life here allowed her to remain mentally stable longer than her son, and still marry and have children, living as a normal person?
Li Zhuiyuan hugged his head, his expression pained: Or is this all just my one-sided wish?
Runsheng noticed the boy beginning to sway back and forth as if he might fall into the ditch.
Li Zhuiyuan truly wanted to fall in, to jump into the ditch, splashing the water while crying out, thinking it was time to release his emotions.
But ultimately, he stopped because he felt it would be childish.
He turned to look at Runsheng squatting beside him.
Runsheng shivered and quickly averted his gaze; he couldn’t bear to look into those eyes.
Li Zhuiyuan reached out, gently grabbing the tip of the burning incense in Runsheng's hand.
The burn stung quickly but showed no expression on his face.
Until he reached a critical point.
"Hiss..."
Finally, the boy let go, his face revealing pain.
"It hurts so much..."
The voice turned into a pitiful child's tone.
Runsheng turned back, just realizing the quiver of the incense stick in his hand and then seeing the wound in Li Zhuiyuan's palm, he immediately panicked, "I'm sorry, Little Yuan, I didn’t mean to! I really didn’t mean to!"
Runsheng thought he had accidentally burned the boy with the incense when he turned back.
"It’s fine, Brother Runsheng. I was curious and grabbed it."
Runsheng’s eyes were brimming with tears, feeling how Little Yuan was still making up a clumsy excuse to prevent him from feeling guilty.
This made him feel even guiltier for having imagined that Yuan's earlier gaze was terrifying.
Li Zhuiyuan stared at the wound on his palm.
Had his condition worsened to the point of seeking self-harm?
Li Zhuiyuan stood up, saying, "Brother Runsheng, let’s go back."
"Your wound..."
"It's alright. I’ll ask Aunt Liu for some ointment."
As they walked home, everyone was still eating on the courtyard, quite likely intentionally slowing down the pace so they’d wait for him to return.
"Little Yuan, was that your mother on the phone?"
"Yes, Great Uncle."
Li Zhuiyuan sat down, picking up his chopsticks and happily recounting his conversation with his mother.
He acted very cheerful and delighted. Like every normal child, there comes a time when parents are their idols, and everything they say is about “my dad” and “my mom.”
Li Sanjiang listened raptly, often interjecting, and every time Li Zhuiyuan responded, it brought more joy to Li Sanjiang, who couldn’t help but tap his bowl with his chopsticks, exclaiming, "I knew it! I knew it! Hahaha."
Aunt Liu was also happy; her nature was cheerful, and she enjoyed the lighter atmosphere at home.
Even Liu Yumei asked Li Zhuiyuan a few questions.
She reflected on how this child, no matter how clever, still couldn't change his childlike nature.
Runsheng munched on the incense while eating, observing Li Zhuiyuan’s performance, unconsciously thinking that the earlier silence on the way home was just a child missing his mother.
He didn’t have a mom or dad, only Grandpa, so seeing Li Zhuiyuan talk animatedly made a look of longing appear on his face:
So having a mother is such a happy thing.
Only Ah Li silently put down her chopsticks.
She enjoyed observing the boy's expressions, but seeing him this excited made her feel something was off; there was no light in his eyes.
After dinner, Li Zhuiyuan insistently took Li Sanjiang to see Doctor Zheng to get some medicine.
A shot would have been more effective, but Li Sanjiang refused vehemently.
Once they returned, everything resumed to routine.
Runsheng sat in front of the television, watching it while puffing on the incense.
Aunt Liu was busy tidying the kitchen and coloring the paper offerings.
Ah Li was coaxed by Li Zhuiyuan to go back to the room and sleep with Grandma Liu.
Li Zhuiyuan was behind the house, earnestly performing the horse stance.
When he returned to the second floor, he saw Li Sanjiang pouring laundry powder into his hand.
Beside the water tank, a basin of warming water was placed, along with a towel hanging nearby.
"Great Uncle..."
"Great Uncle, I've received good news again."
"Congratulations."
"Go away, go away, with a shovel!"
"Hehe."
Because of his mother's phone call, Li Zhuiyuan realized the fortune issue concerning him had yet to be resolved.
Unfortunately, there was no way to directly question Great Uncle since he didn't understand either.
So what was this transaction that consumed so much of his fortunes, and what was it truly buying?
Li Zhuiyuan returned to his bedroom, turned on the lamp, and pulled out "Liu Family's Qi Observation Technique."
As he opened it, he frowned.
He found himself missing Wei Zhengdao's writing.
Of all the books he had brought from the basement, only Wei Zhengdao's was easy for him to read.
Holding back his discomfort, he flipped through page after page intently.
He didn’t know whether he was beginning to adapt to the style of this dog-eared book or if the content of "Liu Family's Qi Observation Technique" was genuinely profound.
The more he read, the more interesting it became, until he slowly couldn’t stop.
This book discussed the feng shui of rivers, lakes, and seas.
A very unique branch of knowledge, because in the normal sense of “feng shui,” the patterns are relatively broad, with water being one aspect, but the major focus is still on mountains and land.
After all, whether living or dead, one mainly resides on land.
This book, however, focuses on water systems, involving aspects such as water burials, water prisons, and water calamities, with mountains and land serving as supplementary.
From a practical perspective, one might put it like this:
If you really understand feng shui from other books, during travels through famous mountains and rivers, you can have a sense: here, there could be an ancient tomb.
Upon finishing this book, while on a boat with a sense while standing at the bow, you could even point and say: here, there might be drowned bodies.
Li Zhuiyuan didn't hurry to continue reading the Liu family’s texts but instead picked up the "Qin Family's Dragon Observation Method" to check.
He found that the themes aligned, suggesting that the Liu and Qin families were equivalent great clans along the riverbank back in the day.
Though the themes were consistent, the approaches differed.
This proved extremely beneficial for students, as they could validate each other's understandings and enrich their insights.
As long as one comprehended both books, their understanding of river and lake feng shui would become exceptionally profound.
After glancing at the time, he realized it was getting late.
Li Zhuiyuan placed the books down, turned off the lamp, took a basin to wash up, then returned to his room, lay on the bed, folded the quilt neatly, and fell asleep.
Fifteen minutes later, Li Zhuiyuan sat up; he couldn’t sleep.
No amount of behavioral inertia could suppress the impact of his mother's phone call on his heart.
He pushed open the door, walked to the balcony, and sat in a rattan chair, staring blankly at the dark night sky.
He didn’t know how long it had been, but the door to the east room opened, and upon seeing her granddaughter heading out, Liu Yumei hastily draped a cloak over her.
Looking up, she saw the boy sitting on the second-floor balcony, her heart felt a mixture of emotions.
Was daytime not enough? Did they have to play together at night too?
But upon seeing the boy's indifferent expression, she felt puzzled: Wasn’t he fine during dinner? Why was he like this now?
Did he miss his mother at night while sleeping?
Though children had their nature, Liu Yumei thought this little boy shouldn’t be this fragile.
His state resembled her own Ah Li sitting behind the doorframe long ago.
Soon after, she saw her granddaughter’s figure appear on the second floor, the girl sitting down on the rattan chair next to the boy.
After a while, the girl strangely took half of the cloak and draped it over the boy.
Liu Yumei’s eyes widened; her granddaughter had taken the initiative to display such care?
Having lived in Li Sanjiang's household for some time, though Ah Li's condition remained controlled, it had not worsened, let alone improved.
It was only after that boy arrived and lived with Great Uncle that signs of recovery appeared, like a drop of water finally forming on a block of ice.
But no improvement could compare to today’s continuous night!
First, there was nodding and shaking to express agreement, and now she could even make such gestures of care.
Liu Yumei raised her head, trying not to let tears rush out of her eyes. She felt she had truly seen the hope for her granddaughter’s recovery, seemingly it wouldn’t take too long.
She walked into the room, sitting by the ancestral tablet, pointing at them:
"Ah Li's illness is also because of your irresponsibility. If you had left some spirit for traditional protection, she wouldn’t have turned out like this."
She picked up a handkerchief and wiped her tears, speaking with a choked voice, "If I had known smashing your ancestral tablets would help with Ah Li's illness, I should have chopped you all up and used you as firewood."
...
Li Zhuiyuan didn’t realize when the girl had arrived; she seemed to have been there for a long time because something warm was draped over his back.
"You’re here?"
The girl looked at the boy, this time she took the initiative to hold his hand. She seemed to sense something, and while bowing her head, she pried open his hand.
In his palm, there was a wound.
Her fingertips gently brushed against it.
This rare tenderness made Li Zhuiyuan’s lips involuntarily curl into a smile, but that smile quickly froze.
Because all five of her fingers pressed into his palm, and her nails dug directly into his flesh.
"Hiss..."
Li Zhuiyuan yelped, nearly twisting his body in pain.
"Ah Li, it hurts, it hurts..."
They say fingers are connected to the heart, but the soft flesh of the palm is still sensitive; the girl’s five nails pierced his meat deeply, and she continued to exert force.
This feeling was like digging into his hand with a rake.
Earlier, when he squatted by the water ditch and willingly grabbed the incense in Runsheng's hand, he hadn't felt any pain because he wasn’t normal back then.
But now, he was perfectly normal.
Begging for mercy seemed useless at this point; the girl, who usually listened to him the most, appeared to ignore him entirely.
Her eyelashes fluttered, her body trembled, the light in her eyes faded, replaced by numbness.
A dangerous aura radiated from her.
In the past, whenever she was about to erupt, the boy only needed to hold her hand to calm her down; but now, it was the boy's hand that was escalating her eruption.
Li Zhuiyuan withdrew his hand from hers.
The girl’s body gradually calmed; her eyelashes ceased fluttering, her eyelids lowered.
She turned and walked towards the stairs.
The cloak that had covered them both slipped down. Li Zhuiyuan picked it up, wanting to drape it over her.
But as he stepped closer, the girl halted, her silhouette began to tremble.
Li Zhuiyuan had to stop in his tracks, even stepping back a few steps.
The girl returned to normal, continuing to move forward, her figure disappearing into the staircase.
Soon, the girl was seen outside on the courtyard, the east room door was already ajar, and she walked inside.
Li Zhuiyuan stood on the second floor, still holding that red cloak.
In the past, the girl had always loved collecting everything related to them; now, she not only rejected contact with him but also shunned anything that had been touched by him.
Li Zhuiyuan looked down at his palm, bloodied with five deep cuts, still oozing.
He was in pain, but felt no anger, rather only guilt.
He smeared the blood away, revealing the angry burn underneath.
He understood why the girl had suddenly become angry.
Because she discovered that the one she had placed hope in, who was supposed to help her climb out of the abyss, was actively walking towards the abyss instead.
The cruelest torture in this world is to give you hope in despair and then extinguish that hope with your own hands.
She had gotten used to this all along.
Li Zhuiyuan rinsed his wound, found a clean cloth strip for a makeshift bandage, then returned to his bedroom.
When he lay on his bed, it was uncertain if he truly felt sleepy or if subconsciously he wished that after a sleep, everything would return to normal.
Whatever it was, he fell asleep.
He slept lightly, many times jolted awake by inexplicable palpitations, yet he did not open his eyes, forcing himself to fall back asleep.
Finally, after countless times, he felt a clear light against his eyelids.
Daylight had arrived.
Turning his head, he opened his eyes, and no one was on the chair at the door.
Li Zhuiyuan picked up a basin and stepped out of the bedroom. Passing by Great Uncle’s room, he saw through the mesh door that Great Uncle was not in bed.
After washing up and walking downstairs, he didn’t spot Runsheng at the dining table either.
He hadn’t slept late, so why was everyone up so early?
Li Zhuiyuan walked to the courtyard, where Aunt Liu exited the kitchen. "Little Yuan, good morning. Breakfast will be ready soon."
"Aunt Liu, where’s Great Uncle?"
"Before dawn, the village head came and called for Great Uncle to go to the town office. There was an urgent matter, so Runsheng took Great Uncle over."
Li Zhuiyuan nodded, then turned his gaze towards the east room.
Sitting on the doorstep in her black dress was the girl, her feet resting on the threshold, her gaze level, devoid of any emotion.
"Little Yuan, Little Yuan, come here quickly."
This morning, the granddaughter hadn’t risen as early as usual, which alerted her to something being off.
After getting up and freshening up, she even took a stool and sat by the door.
In that moment, Liu Yumei felt as if the sky had fallen!
Now, her only hope lay in that boy.
As Li Zhuiyuan approached the east room, the girl’s body began to tremble, her hands unconsciously clenching, and deep inside her eyes, red began to surface.
Liu Yumei hurriedly restrained Li Zhuiyuan from drawing close, kneeling beside her granddaughter and soothing her with soft words.
The granddaughter’s reaction was even more intense than when strangers approached her before.
Li Zhuiyuan took a few steps back, and seeing the girl calm down under Grandma Liu’s soothing, he bit his lip and took a deep breath.
Yes, just as he had thought before sleeping.
After one good night’s sleep, everything was restored.
...
"What? Can you say that again? I didn’t hear it clearly!"
Li Sanjiang slammed the table in the Civil Affairs Bureau office, though he had actually heard clearly, he just couldn't believe it.
The director and several staff members from the bureau patiently explained it to him again, even though it was already the fourth time.
They had also received urgent notice from higher authorities for a special case that needed to be expedited, which was why they arrived so early at work.
They too were baffled upon seeing the faxed document.
In this day and age, such operations still existed?
"Sir, are you Li Sanjiang?"
"I’ve brought my ID and household register; that’s proof, isn’t it?"
"Yes, yes, yes! The matter is quite clear now. It all comes down to whether you are willing to sign. If you refuse, we will send everything back."
Li Sanjiang, still bewildered, picked up a pen, asking, "If I sign my name here, does it mean Little Yuan falls under my household registration now?"
(End of Chapter)